Heartbreak Is Half The Fun, You Bring The Bullets I’ll Bring The Gun

Mmmkay. I wrote a one shot. I was inspiared. Lol. Anyways...yeah, here you go. :]

Champagne’s For Celebrating, I’ll Have A Martini

It was another bright and sunny day, kids were throwing their graduation hats in the air in triumphant. Celebration. This isn’t celebration; this isn’t something you should be happy about. He was leaving. He was leaving me behind. I was being left in the teenage world while he was going off into the great unknown adult world. He was maturing while I was stuck having to learn trigonometry. That wretched thing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had spoken to him. The last time I had him in my arms. They warned me this would happen, but I didn’t listen. I told them I would speak with him before he left, but now it was too late.

“Carsyn Ross.” I heard the principal call his name. His friends and family cheered for him, he walked towards the principal, shaking his hand while the principal exchanged the other hand with the diploma, they paused for pictures and he walked to the other side, meeting the rest of his class mates who had already received their diploma. He smiled all the way. Could he not see the rain cloud that was present over my head? Maybe if it stayed there long enough it would wash him out of my head. That was highly impossible, though.  

I looked at my run down skater shoes that would fall apart if I even stepped down on them too hard. I looked at my ripped jeans and my graphic t-shirt that looked like it was 5 years old. I played with my hair; bring some in front of my face. The cut was old and unoriginal. It looked like I hadn’t showered in days, which was true. I hadn’t really done much of anything in the past few days.

Did I really belong here? Everyone was so well dressed, the girls were wearing high heels and polished garments. Here I was wearing my worst clothes. The only reason I wore it...I wore this same outfit the day I first saw him. I thought maybe if I wore it, he would notice me? It didn’t seem to be working. It never worked. I had craved for his attention, I changed myself for him, even if it didn’t achieve anything other than leave me more heartbroken than ever. I remember all the ‘trends’ I tried. Punk, which is what I really started off with, emo, gangster, prep, reject, loner. I hated every single minute my life was read off a movie script. I couldn’t help it, I loved the stupid boy. He had stolen my heart and didn’t have the decency to return it, even now when he was leaving.

Could I really love someone forever? I thought to myself.

I could feel the pricking at my eyelids, the tears threatening to fall out in rivers. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I can’t cry. He isn’t worth it. Not when he doesn’t care I’m even here.

---

She’s crying again. She always seems to cry when I’m around. She was sitting the very back row, so far away, but still so close. It always seemed to be that way. We always kept our distance, but it killed me for her to be so far away. It was easier when I held her those couple times. No one knew, I didn’t even know. I had loved her since I first saw her. It was 3 years ago. When she first came to the school. She was in grade 7, so shy, so nervous.

<<Flashback>>

“Hey Car, look at all the fresh meat.” My friend said.

“Yeah.” I replied, a little taken back by one in particular. She had major roots. The dyed part being blonde while her natural color was a pretty brown color. Her eyes were the same color as her eyes, hazel. I noticed that when she walked past windows and the sun splashed on her natural hair, a red color would reflect off. She was short, but normal size for her age. A little cubby, but that would probably disappear once she starts growing. I noticed her style first. Her skater shoes and her slightly torn jean, her graphic t-shirt looked new, but it was worn down, probably purchased that way.

She flipper her sideswipe, turning around while doing so. She looked right at me, while I pretended to look through her.

“See anyone you like, Car?” My other friend asked. They knew I was lonely, and they knew I craved to be loved by someone. But they tried to force love. Whenever I told them I liked someone, they would ask her out for me, and she would say no. This had happened many times in the past few years. I have a good feeling about her. She seems sweet and caring. Just what I’ve been craving for my whole life. I can’t let this one go. I won’t let them chase her away as they did for every other girl.

<<End Flashback>>

She was wearing the same outfit as the day I first saw her. She looked different in the never-ending sea of crying parents and proud grandparents. She stuck out, but not like a sore thumb. It was more like the ugly duckling. He didn’t fit at first, and was made fun of, but when he found his family, he felt like he belonged. He was always beautiful, no matter what the other ducks said. This was the same case. I watched people pick on her. I watched her look at me and her eyes pleaded for help, but I never came. I was never her knight in shining armour; I wasn’t even her loser in aluminum foil.

<<Flashback>>

“You stupid bitch, you know what I heard about your family? I heard that they need to sell you for money. Is that true, you walking and talking AIDS machine.” I heard some annoying voice say. I heard a whimper follow it. I turned, and froze. It was her. They called her the AIDS machine. She was the one who was whimpering. She was on the ground, on her hands and knees, her head down, hair coving her face completely. A saw a small sparkle fall from her face to the ground. That’s how I knew, she was crying. They made her cry, they had broken the unwritten rule of bullying. They had called her family out. I had to stop them, but I couldn’t seem to move my body.

“Hey, you prostitute, how much do you cost per hour?” One boy said. Her body started shaking madly.

“You cunt, answer them!” Some girl said, kicking her in the gut. She dropped to the ground, still not showing her face. A small circle had now gathered around them. I was taller than most, so I didn’t need to stand in the front, I preferred the back anyways.

“Is it true, do your parents do hardcore drugs?” Some other boy asked. The same girl as before stomped on her back.

I have to stop this, I thought to myself, But why can’t I?

“N-n-no.” I heard her stutter out. She was trying to stand up now, her face was showing. Her eyes were red but she kept a good poker face.

“Oh look, she speaks!” One boy said. I made a mental note to add those boys to my hit list.

“My name is Skye, and yeah, I do. Surprisingly the AIDS haven’t gotten that bad yet.” Skye replied. So that was her name. Her confidence was going up.

“AIDS can make you not be able to speak?” Some blonde girl asked.

“It’s called mute, and no, I was being sarcastic.” Skye said while rolling her eyes.

“Are you being funny with us, Skye?” One boy asked, taking a step closer to her.

“No, I’m not, I’m just saying these things so you will have a reason as to why you are going to beat me up.” Sarah said, digging holes through the guys head.

“Oh really? Well isn’t that kind, girls, I think this is for you.” He said. And they moved in. They beat on her, I just watched and cringed, her eyes were searching for someone to help her, and her eyes landed on mine, I quickly looked away. I stepped back from the circle and spun on my heel. I don’t think I will ever be able to look her in the eyes again.

<<End Flashback>>

---

While I walked home, I couldn’t help but dwell on the moments he looked through me. It was like I was a ghost to him, invisible. Over the past few years I’ve come to love him and his flaws. I couldn’t seem to love my flaws. My freckled face and my fat body and the way I put people down without even realizing it. How I forgive everything cold that crossed my path. I couldn’t be mad at him, nor anyone else for that matter. I hated myself, and he hated me too.

“Hey honey!” my mother called from the front porch, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Hey, mom.” I called back, stepping into the open gate, closing it after me.

“How was your day?” she asked.

“Fine.” I said, faking the same smile I had come to use so often.

“Well that’s good. Bonnie needs you to babysit Sydney tomorrow night, would that be okay?” my mother always tried to find a way for me to earn my own money, she knew I hated asking her for some.

“Yeah, sure.”

---

I should go see her before I leave.
You can’t.
Why not?
Because, you imbecile, what are you going to say?
Um...
Exactly.
I will tell her how I feel.
What if she doesn’t feel the same way?
I know she does.
How do you know?
Because of the way she looks at me.
How would you know, you never look back at her.
Because...I just, know.
Like all the other times you ‘just knew’ those girls liked you.
Shut up.
Make me.
Grr...
That’s all you got? You are more of a pussy then I thought, too bad I’m not trapped inside a real man’s head.
Fuck you. I’m going to see her.
Good luck with that, you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak again.

I slowly walked towards her house. As I got closer and closer, my nerves grew larger and larger. What was I going to say to her? Should I be subtle? Up front? Romantic? So many things I could say...but there wasn’t enough time in the world to say it all. I had to start by saying sorry. Sorry for not paying attention to her. I have to explain why I did it. I have to explain why I love her. And why I have to leave. I have to tell her everything.

I stood in front of her gate. Breathe Steve, breathe. I can do this. Slowly, I opened her front gate. Walked up her steps, and brought my hand up to the door. I paused. I closed my eyes tightly and knocked quickly three times. I heard the door open and I opened my eyes quickly.

“Hi, can I help you?” A lady asked, I’m guessing her mother.

“Hello. Yes, my name is Carsyn and I’m here to see your daughter, Skye.” My voice shaked a little.

“Um...okay. She’s downstairs in her room, go right ahead.” Her mother let me in and I slowly made my way down to her room. I paused in front of her door. What was I going to say, again?

Crash.

I flung the door open to find her passed out on the floor. Four bottles lay around her, two lay open and empty, the two other were untouched.

No. Was all I couldn’t think of. This wasn’t in the plan. I was supposed to come, confess everything and leave. She wasn’t supposed to leave.

I felt a tear run down my face. All those years...ignoring her and this is what happens. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I would leave and she would graduate, and then come to me. We would get married, have 2 kids, I would be a doctor and she would be a stay at home mother. We would die in our death beds holding each other. Well...at least we can still do one thing.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ignoring you. I was just scared. My friends, they like to scare all the girls I liked away. I thought if I pretended not to like you, then I wouldn’t scare you away. I guess I didn’t scare you away; I did much, much worse. I love you so much. Why would you do this? Why?” I cried to her lifeless body. The tears caught in my throat. And that’s when I heard it. If they hadn’t of caught, I wouldn’t of been able to hear her over my crying. Her voice was so weak...but I still managed to hear it.

“I love you too.” They say the last words someone says before dying truly mean something. I now believe that. I now believe in everything I never did believe in before. I believe that you can find true love, and that there is such thing as love at first sight.

I took the two remaining bottles in my hands. I twisted the tops off. Slowly, I downed each pill dry. The more pills that digested in my stomach, the less I felt anything. I finished the bottle off, lying down next to her. I wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped mine around her. This is how I imagined it...well, not quite, but at least we would die in each other’s arms.

They say the last words before someone dies truly mean something, well these are mine, “If you go down, I’ll go down with you.”